this is not Kat
this is her boyfriend, and i find it funny that soon she will check her tumblr and see that i posted something for her haha. but when she does i just want to tell her I love her and that she is amazing for putting up with me. So many people have told her to stay away, me included, but she took a chance, and im glad she did, because i have never been happier and for that i want to tell her, “Kat im glad im with you, i love you and thank you for taking that chance because if you didn’t then im sure I woud still be a miserable drunk, and not the person i am becoming”. Now i am going to watch Friday night lights lol see you in 3 hours.
Love Matthew.
Randomness
i have to get ready for class in a bit but i really need to write.
Ugh last night, same shit, different day, he honestly pissed me off last night!! I just don’t understand how he can do this and feel nothing. How he can just keep hurting me like this, for almost two yrs. Why do i let him? that is the main question. In high school when i would see my friends get hurt day after day by the same guy yet they still “loved” them, i swore to myself that i would never let any man have that kind of control on me. hmm i guess college does change a person, not just their personalities but everything they used to believe in. I can’t believe i’m letting him do this to me once again. I’ve tried so hard to just stop all communication with him but it never works, and trying to avoid him on campus is nearly impossible. He’s everywhere!! I’ve tried dating other guys but there’s nothing, for some reason he’s still the one i want. Maybe i don’t want anybody else because i know they can hurt me and it might be just as bad as the way necio is hurting me. See, i’m used to this shit with necio and sooner or later i’ll know his next move and with other guys, i don’t, i’m clueless and i don’t like that. Last night he hurt me so much that i wanted to get my tattoo or something else pierced because i’m tired of being emotionally hurt, i wanted physical pain. I guess because i know physical pain can’t last forever, but emotionally it can. Getting my tatto or another pericing is something i can control, and stop whenever it gets to bad but with emotional pain, it just stays there, it lingers in your heart, it may not be front and center all the time but its still there, in the dark corners hiding, just waiting to come out again. I really don’t know what im going to do any more. May be this summer, being in a different city as him for two whole months is exactly what i need, may be this summer will be the end! God I hope so!! blahhh im late for class….
